Cracked
A Magical iPhone Story
Janine A. Southard
Contemporary/Humor/Slight Fantasy
Cantina Publishing
January 2015
Amazon | Smashwords | Goodreads
What can your phone
do for you?
This is the story of a girl and her iPhone. No, that’s not
quite right. This is the story of a middle-aged statistician and her best
friend. Though she didn’t consider herself middle-aged. And the best friend was
more of a roommate-with-whom-she’d-developed-a-friendship. And this description
completely ignores the 6,000-year-old elf with whom the woman and her best
friend enjoyed story gaming.
So let’s try this again.
This is the story of a woman who wished to find love, but
who would rather play story games than actively look for it. Especially in the
wake of a horrid break-up six months before from a man who had never sent her a
single gift.
Until this Valentine’s Day, when she received a brand new
iPhone in a box with his name on it.
Between story gaming and succumbing to the phone’s insidious
sleekness, she learns that friendship trumps romance.
In Cracked! A Magic iPhone Story, award-winning author
Janine A. Southard (a Seattle denizen) shows you how the geeks of Seattle live,
provides a running and often-hilarious social commentary on today’s world, and
reminds you that, so long as you have friends, you are never alone.
Excerpt:
This is the story of a girl and her iPhone. No, that’s not
quite right. This is the story of a middle-aged statistician and her best
friend. Though she didn’t consider herself middle-aged. And the best friend was
more of a roommate-with-whom-she’d-developed-a-friendship.
And this description completely ignores the 6,000-year-old
elf with whom the woman and her best friend enjoyed story gaming.
So let’s try this again.
This is the story of a woman who wished to find love, but
who would rather play story games than actively look for it. Especially in the
wake of a horrid break-up six months before from a man had who never sent her a
single gift.
Until now.
That man, who is otherwise unimportant to this narrative,
had no sense of timing.
He had, foolishly perhaps, expected something different from
their three-year relationship. He’d been after crazy spontaneity and
over-sexualized Carnivale stereotypes from his Brazilian-American girlfriend,
whereas she’d merely expected companionship and a proposal.
So when the breakup arrived instead of a ring box, it came
as quite a shock to Morena (for that was the woman’s name). And on this day,
when she saw a package on her kitchen table sporting his return address (likely
carried inside the night before by her staggeringly drunk roommate), she almost
took it down, unopened, to the recycling bin in her apartment building’s
garage.
But she didn’t.
In a fit of whimsy disguised as righteous fury, she wielded
a utility knife and tore into the obviously reused box with Amazon.com
emblazoned on the side. She slashed at the cardboard and threw packing peanuts
all over her matted beige carpet, which had witnessed many a discarded packing
peanut before.
The carpet didn’t mind, but it would have worried about usually
sensible Morena’s mental state if it had the kind of mind that knew how to
worry. But it was a carpet, so it didn’t.
If this book were a movie, the non-trash-bound contents of
the box would now be surrounded in a soft yellow glow. There would be swelling
music whose pulsing undertone would let the viewer know that this, THIS, was a
significant moment. But since this is a book (and, for Morena, this was real
life), these things did not happen. Instead, she got a paper cut from the
crumpled newsprint that cushioned a very ordinary-looking iPhone.
My Review: I received this book from the author in exchange for an honest review
Cracked was a fun, fast-paced story with rather endearing characters and an unusual plot. The narration was interesting, almost like the author was talking directly to the reader with a bit of a fairy tale cadence. Though babbling at times, it became rather enjoyable once I was used to it. Though, I will admit, it had me scratching my head at the beginning.
I enjoyed the humor, the light fantasy elements, and especially main character Morena. The setting- Seattle- was perfect for this story. I can just imagine something crazy like this happening under those dreary skies (I lived near Seattle for a couple years... strange things happen there). I wasn't a huge fan of the head-hopping in third person POV, but it didn't keep me from enjoying this cute story. If you're looking for a light, humorous diversion, Cracked fits the bill.
About the Author
Janine A. Southard is
the IPPY-award-winning author of Queen & Commander (and other books in
The Hive Queen Saga).
She lives in Seattle, WA, where she writes speculative fiction and reads it
aloud to her cat. She’s story gamed a few times and hopes to someday make a
tie-in game for this novel, but first she needs to finish writing all the other
books on her list. Besides Cracked! A Magic iPhone Story, she is also the
author of:
Queen
& Commander (The Hive Queen Saga, #1) – IPPY award-winner for Science
Fiction (2013)
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Author Links
She writes Paranormal Romance
with a twist of humor. When she isn’t writing you can find her on a haunted
tour, volunteering at pet rescues, or digging around in her fairy garden
waiting for fairies to show. She’s a member of Romance Writers of America, the
Fantasy, Futuristic, and Paranormal chapter and the Windy City chapter. 
