Sunday, February 8, 2015

Death Rejoices by AJ Aalto - Character Interview

Death Rejoices

AJ Aalto

Paranormal/Urban Fantasy
April 30, 2013

Amazon | Goodreads

Marnie Baranuik is back, and this time, the Great White Shark of psychic investigations has “people skills” and a new assistant who seems to harbor an unhealthy curiosity about Harry, her revenant companion. Together, they’ve got a whole lot of questions that need answering. Is an ancient vampire hunting in Denver? Who is stalking Lord Dreppenstedt? How do you cure a slipper-humping bat, ditch an ogre, or give a demon king the slip? And what the hell was she thinking, swearing off cookies?

Teaming up with her sexual nemesis, Special Agent Mark Batten, and their long-suffering supervisor, Gary Chapel, Marnie discovers that vampire hunters aren’t easy to rescue, secrets don’t stay buried, and zombies sure are a pain in the ass to kill.

Character Interview

AJ: Hi, everyone! Today, I’m interviewing the main character of “Touched,” Marnie Baranuik, a forensic psychic with the FBI’s preternatural crimes unit. Thanks for being with us today, Marnie.
Marnie: Not like I had a choice. I’m stuck in your brain-goop.

AJ: Let’s start with an easy question. What’s your favourite food?
Marnie: Is caffeine a food?

AJ: No.
Marnie: It really should be. I guess I’d have to say low-fat tofu-and-sprout stir-fry with a side of yogurt…and a banana.

AJ: Really?
Marnie: Of course not, blockhead. I hardly ever eat anything that isn’t from the cookie family, though I do appreciate a good Cheez Doodle.

AJ: Tell us about your job.
Marnie: I worked as a psychometrist and clairempath (that’s a Groper-Feeler for those in the biz) for Gold-Drake & Cross, who also license and manage the twenty-five other registered forensic psychics in this country. I attempted to retire after I assisted on a disastrous case with the FBI—

AJ: During which, you slept with one of the lead investigators, Mark Batten.
Marnie: By accident!

AJ: Did Agent Batten trip and fall into your lady bits?
Marnie: Maybe he’s a clumsy agent? *far-off look, remembering* Not clumsy with his tongue, though…

AJ: Speaking of sex, what turns you on?
Marnie: The sound of a fresh package of batteries opening. Did I just over-share?

AJ: Let me rephrase: what turns you on about a person?
Marnie: I’m guessing if I say the word “dick,” that twitch in your right eye is going to get worse.

AJ: Fine, what are your turn-offs?
Marnie: I don’t prefer it when a man owns chickens.

AJ: Chickens.
Marnie: Yeah, like a farmer? Farmers work real early, and I don’t do mornings.

AJ: Is that all? Just not aroused by chicken farmers?
Marnie: I suppose all farmers get up early, so they won’t do. And guys on shift work. And shapeshifters, because I don’t like fleas. And I can’t date doctors, they don’t approve of my lifestyle. And you know what’s also annoying? Men who smirk…because really, what’s that about?

AJ: As I recall, Mark Batten smirks at you a lot.
Marnie: The jackass.

AJ: What’s the worst thing a friend could do to you?
Marnie: I really hate when a friend puts roofies in my tea and pushes me down the stairs and tries to feed me to a wrath demon. It’s something I almost never forgive.

AJ: How far would you go to defend your moral convictions?
Marnie: I have moral convictions?

AJ: Fine, how far would you go to defend the things you care about?
Marnie: If someone tried to hurt my Harry, I’d put my boot so far up their ass, they’d choke on the laces. Is that what you meant?

AJ: Tell me about Harry.
Marnie: Dark Lady, where do I start? You know if I don’t get it right, he’ll pout about it later. Well, Harry is Lord Guy Harrick Dreppenstedt, my revenant companion, what the layperson might still call a “vampire,” although that term is no longer politically correct. He’s British, he prefers the finer things in life, he doesn’t approve of my taste in anything at all, and he thinks he knows everything. Which he doesn’t.

AJ: And you live together?
Marnie: We are life partners, but not romantically involved. Though Harry is a doting companion, and generous with sweet talk and pet names, he is unable to feel love. This is the cost of immortality. I am not his wife or his girlfriend. I am his DaySitter, his mortal guardian, and have been since I was seventeen, when I inherited him after my Gramma Vi passed away. She was his former DaySitter.

AJ: Describe your relationship with Harry.
Marnie: I feed him and protect him while he’s at rest, and in return, he shares with me his psychic gifts and a regular dose of fussy, critical nonsense that I could really do without.

AJ: Could you?
Marnie: Yeah, I don’t need to hear that shit.

AJ: I meant could you live without Harry?
Marnie: Holy flaming twatwaffles, lady, that’s a terrible question. Whose idea was this interview, anyway? Do-over! I want a do-over!

AJ: Is that a no?
Marnie: Whatever happened to “what’s your favourite cartoon?” or “what famous person would you want to meet?” or “what’s your favourite sound?”

AJ: Okaaaaay, what’s your favourite sound?
Marnie: An apron being untied and the cloth slithering over jackboots on the way to the floor. What, too specific?

AJ: I give up. This has been an interview with Marnie Baranuik, professional forensic psychic and amateur dunce. Thanks for reading, folks!

About the Author

AJ Aalto is the author of the paranormal mystery series The Marnie Baranuik Files. Aalto is an unrepentant liar and a writer of  blathering nonsense offset by factual gore. When not working on her novels, you can find her singing Monty Python songs in the shower, eavesdropping on perfect strangers, stalking her eye doctor, or failing at one of her fruitless hobbies. Generally a fan of anyone with a passion for the ridiculous, she has a weak spot for smug pseudo-intellectuals and narcissistic jerks; readers will find her work littered with flawed monsters and oodles of snark.
AJ cannot say no to a Snickers bar and has been known to swallow her gum.



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